Today I turned 40…
The weeks leading up to this day has been consuming my mind with much anxiety. I have reflected on who I am, what I have done, and how a being mother plays into all this. With much effort on my part, I have done the best I can at keeping positive thoughts.
I won’t lie, it’s scary! I clearly remember as a teenager feeling I had plenty of time to do this, or that with no regard to time. Which I am happy to say I did so much! I went to college, developed an awesome career, traveled to Malaysia, China, and a lot of South East Asia, Germany. Too many places to list. During that time I grew my passions for travel and film. At 40, I have many life experiences, but I know I still have much more to learn. I am very thankful I have lived a full life before becoming a mother. Now I want to share my adventures, along with bad decisions to help shape my daughter to be the best human being she can be.
With all that being said, here are few things that impacted my life the most.
I have decided that my 40’s will be my time to put what I have learned throughout my 30’s to good use. If I was to simplify it to one thing, I would say its happiness. Becoming a mother has given me a lot of clarity. For starters, I do not waste my mental energy on issues that I cannot control anymore. Which is huge for me, I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had some control issues before. One thing that hasn’t changed for me is that fact I am pretty blunt. I don’t like to beat around the bush, I say what needs to be said. This trait is both good, and bad. Thinking back to how this all started, I am pretty sure it goes back to my middle school days. To sum it up, I was bullied. This left my self-esteem completely in shambles after that. I really didn’t care what people thought of me after that. Then, one day in history class during 7th Grade, I met my future best friend.
She was the exact personality I needed in my life, she helped me develop my self-esteem back, and I felt I could fly. Shortly after our friendship started, her father called me a “free spirit”. Through my childhood, teenage years and young adult I have made plenty of bad decisions and many great ones. I feel I have lived such a wonderful life, and am hoping to see the next 40 years with my husband and daughter brings.
For those who 40th year came and gone, how was your approach to this milestone in your life? For those who still have some time before hitting the big 4-0, what do you look forward to or fear. Would love to hear your comments!